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12 June I guess I May As Well Get it Out of the Way NowWell I guess its about time I started talking about it, so here goes. Well, since the break up of my marriage and a particularly unpleasant relationship short but not very sweet, I have discovered something that I have for a long time suspected. Basically, I do not like men very much.
I have often made jokes in a tongue in cheek way, for many years, along the lines of I would become a lesbian only I don't fancy women, well, recently the light has turned itself on, and I have at last admitted that not only do I fancy women, I want only to be with another woman in a relationship way.
Since my awakening to a rainbow styley way, I have had a couple of short - mm well not sure I would call them relationships, but for the want of a better word, I will use it - relationships with women, and its been wonderful. Everything that I have been looking for in a hetrosexual relationship has been there, and I am just sorry that I had not questioned my sexuality sooner. Lets face it I have had a number of opportunities, but in each situation I have been in a relationship with a guy and I hate infidelity, so I never ventured down that road, and now I look back Goddess, I wish I had, as the women in question were lovely, and I would love to be in a position to meet them again, but alas, I cant see that happening. So what to do.
My, encounters have been very much undercover as well as under the covers, as the Island is a very small place and I am not ready to come out to my friends and family yet, and also, I have not managed to find anyone I really like on the Island, they have been people who have been visiting the Island, or I have met online and they have come over, but due to various things they haven't worked out, long distance relationships are not really very easy. And although I know where to go, I am pretty sure I will not meet who I am looking for in a club or pub. I am not really one for one nighters, and to me that seems to be what most over here are looking for. Now, please if there are any Manx lesbians/bisexuals on the Island and they happen to be reading this, feel free to put me straight on this as a nice relationship with a local girl/woman, would be perfect, and would be and inducement to come out officially.
Trouble is, I have met someone online who I really like, but being relatively new at this game I am very wary of being upfront and telling them how I feel as the last thing I want is to spoil a great friendship by admitting my feelings if they do not feel the same way. So I need advice, what do I do??? I really want to be with someone, but I am not making a point of looking, but should someone come along then maybe the online thing would just remain a friendship, which would be a shame as I am sure we would be perfect together, but at the moment it seems to be a bit of a dead end.
So how do I get involved in 'the scene' in a discreet manner, help, please someone, gotta lot of love to give, but am afraid to offer it to the woman I would like too and can't seem to find anyone near here who I like. A quandry indeed, I am sure getting guys wasn't this hard. So if there are any people who can help me with my predicament, please, please get in touch!!!!!
Oh and question of the day, why did I put this in the heading Health and Wellness? Well, basically because I couldn't find anything else that was remotely suitable!!!! 09 October Killer Heels!!!Just reading the article on Victoria Beckham and her addiction to 'killer' heels.
Its nice to read that it is saying about how much damage these shoes do you your feet, cos have you ever seen the state of her feet, they are gruesome. Her toes seem to look like they cant be straightened, and as for bunions, well, I don't think I have ever seen bunions that size even on a Ballet Dancer.
Its just as well the poor woman has plenty of money as I think that when she get to old age, she is going to be practically crippled. Its not only her feet she is damaging, her back is going to be knackered aswell. I can just see her and David in the future, him walking alongside her in her Mobility Scooter. Blinged up of course!!! Have you seen Benidorm, well, the mother in that, that will be Victoria, well, it would be, but I don't suppose she will be able to resist the call of the Botox or the knife. I can see her as another Bride of Wildenstein or whatever her name is.
Vanity comes at a price ladies, and I don't just mean the price of the Jimmy Choo's!!! I wonder what she will be wearing on her feet when she gets to pension age, I hope I live long enough to see.
Me I am happy in my Uggs in the winter, and my flat pumps, espadrilles or wedges in the summer, oh and I have discovered a cheap brand of Birkenstock type sandles which are so comfortable once you get used to the bar between your toes.
I love fashion, but I am definately not a fashion victim, I love the BoHo look, or lets face it, Im just a hippy at heart, and nothing will ever change that. Long live flares!!!! 02 September NastynessI have just been reading the posts about Jade Goody on MSN, and I have got to say that some of them make me feel ashamed to be a human being. How can people be so awful. Ok Jad may not be everyones cup of tea, and in all honesty I have done my fair share of Jade bashing in my time, but to call the poor woman, a fat s**g, and Evil W***E and other such things, is just the lowest of the low.
Jade has paid for her racism in BB, and to be honest I really thought that was edited in a way to make it seem to be worse than it was, and even Shilpa Shetti has said it was blown out of proportion, but even if it was as bad as it was made out, what gives people the right to kick the poor woman when she is seriously ill will cancer. Talk about kicking someone when they are down.
I admit I havent read all the posts, but it would appear that the majority are supportive, but, the odd ones are just pure evil, and I will name and shame one in particular, someone called lauramea, who claims that she has had cancer, so surely that should make her all the more supportive even if she does not like Jade. The woman, it would appear to me is totally wrong in every way. Calling her a fat slag, and and evil whore, well love, talk about the pot calling the kettle black, you are the evil one, speaking this way about a woman who has cancer, no matter what your personal feelings are about Jade, is about as low as a person can go.
I would never wish anything like this on anyone, and in my opinion if Jade by speaking to the press can make women aware and show what can happem if they don't go for regular smear tests, well, she has to be commended for that.
Sorry to rant, but I had to get this off my chest and my thoughts and prayers go out to Jade and her family!!!!! 05 May The ChangeAlone once again in the room thats my space
Energy zero, head is seriously misplaced
Where has that girl gone, the one full of life,
Changed to a solitaire, constantly stressed
Im feeling so awful, as old as the hills
Despite what they give me, no amount of meds and pills.
They call it the menopause, I call it living hell
Where do I go to get back my life
Nothing is working for my body and mind
Depression, darkness,perspiration and lethargy
They seem to be my only friends in my self-exiled world,
Someone please help me to make my problems unfurled.
My family they love me. I have all that I should need
But the desperation of my feelings only turn me away
All my feelings are miserable, unhappy and bad
Please let something help me get my life back on track
A bit of enjoyment should help my troubles go away
Some fun and some laughter, even just for a day.
I know I sound selfish, it could be so much worse,
Some terminal illness brought to me in a curse.
Forgive me for feeling so sorry for myself, and help my prayers to the Goddess
be heard
Please help me to stop feeling so ill all the time,
And bring me relief and make my life once again mine.
To help if I am needed, by family and friends
Help strangers where I can and become useful again
I have knowledge I have gathered that I know will be of use
To others in a bad place, with feelings like I have now
I may not be a saint, an angel or Goddess
But if I was back to the old me I could help others in distress.
Oh dear, the second day of self indulgent poetry. Dont even know if its any good, but It does explain how I feel. I always thought I would sail through my life, illness was never too much of an issue, and the bad things I have experienced in my life should surely be enought to grant me a decent quality of life from now. But hey, along comes the menopause, people find it amusing, I admit that Its something I never really took seriously, once I had my hyserectomy I thought It would be a breeze, but no. My life is horrible. No energy, feeling ill, tiredness, how can I describe it to those who havent been there. My body is even rebelling, my once curvaceous, muscular but slim figure is turning to Lard, south is the direction it seems to want to go and all the time and energy I happily spent in the gym or running has just made me worse, stiff joints and getting broader by the day. I try and eat as I should, grain, oats, fruit, everything I should, OK so I have the odd chocolate bar, but who can say that I shouldn't have some the odd self indulgent treat, after all, I dont smoke, drink, use caffiene or take non presription drugs,( see previous blog). Anyway, I am off to the Dr tomorrow, and hopefully he will give me something to get even a small quality of life back, and the rest of my attempted poetry will be one of happiness and the wonderful happiness I get from being a Witch.
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